Dear Mr. Trump: I know it’s hard for you to concede the election to Joe Biden, so let me and my old friend Bush Hog James suggest some Trumpie wording for Trumpie Tweets that could get you and the nation out of this mess. And hey, these are offered free of charge:
BREAKING NEWS: I just signed a deal to take over FOX as its new CEO and I’m going to have my own PRIME TIME SHOW! (Hannity doesn’t know yet.) It will be GREAT!! Sleepy Joe Biden can be president if he wants the job so bad.
First Lady Melania and I wish a Happy Thanksgiving to all the BILLIONS! who voted for me. The rest of you can stuff it — the Turkey, I mean! (HA HA!) Congratulations to Joe Biden with THE STOLEN PRESIDENCY and good luck eating turkey through that stupid GIANT mask.
I WON! But I don’t really want the job. TO TELL THE TRUTH for the first time ever, I didn’t want the job to begin with. But Sleepy Joe can have it. I’m done. Moving to Moscow with First Lady in January. (No extradiction.)
I’LL BE BACK!!! We’r’ running JARED in the NEXT CAMPAIGN!!! and he’s really SMART!! Don Jr. would run, but his medication makes his eyes too sensitive to bright lights. But I’ll be at the RALLIES!!! and you can take that to the bank. You might see me there depositing your campaign contributions. KEEP ‘EM COMING!!!!.
Right now, before his Inauguration, I’m working on some surprises for Sleepy Joe. The REALLY HUGE SURPRISE? All of the channels on all of the TVs in all federal offices will only show FOX NEWS!! As a little THANK YOU, Rupert Murdoch will buy TRUMP TOWER for 5 billion dollars.
I hope I’ve inspired you. Others are welcome to make suggestions in the comments thread or on my Facebook or Twitter feed.
Let’s end this thing with the Trumpiest of all Trumpie Tweets.