My late brother Eddie’s birthday approaches. He would have been 67 on September 5. I know that’s not young, but we were not finished being brothers, and I still have a difficult time accepting his sudden illness and loss. It takes up a large space inside me, as I’m sure such deaths affect millions of other men and women. I’ve read some helpful passages about dealing with grief from the loss of a sibling, but recently found an interview video of the actor Billy Bob Thornton most enlightening of all. It takes the deeply personal, self-conscious sadness to a place of honor. If any of you have lost a sibling — especially a younger brother or sister — you might want to listen to this video on YouTube. I’ve transcribed part of it below.

“I have to really force myself to think that things are going to be OK in terms of worrying about my family, myself or one of my friends. … There’s a melancholy in me that never goes away. I’m 50 percent happy and 50 percent sad at any given moment. … I don’t want to forget my brother. I don’t want to forget what it felt like when he died, because he deserves that — that’s how important he was to me. So, if I have to suffer and I have to be sad for the rest of my life, and if I have to be lonely without him… then that’s the way I honor him.”

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Published by Dan Rodricks

Dan Rodricks is a former long-time columnist for The Baltimore Sun, winner of numerous national and regional journalism awards, a radio and TV personality, podcaster and fly angler. His narrative memoir, "Father's Day Creek," was published in May 2019 by Apprentice House at Loyola University Maryland.

11 thoughts on “Billy Bob Thornton and the honor in grief”

  2. I’m so sorry for you Dan. I feel so blessed to still have my older sister and younger brother. I liked the message you shared from Billy Bob Thornton. Remember the good times with your brother. What a great happy picture of him! I understand the hole that is there with your brother’s absence. Bless you.

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  3. I’m sorry for your loss. I lost a 13 year-old granddaughter, and no, I’ll never get over it. Of course sometimes I have tears and/or cry for a short time but, in honor of Mary, I don’t let it get me down, I do what she suggested and “get back to your music, Granjan.”

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  5. Dan, I think 67 IS young in this world now. The loss will always be with you, but the memories of your relationship will be there as well. I never had that kind of close relationship with a sibling. Cherish the fact that you had that closeness. What a blessing.

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  9. Pingback: Milton Kent: Getting through stuff – Dan Rodricks

  10. I myself lost my only baby sister and my baby brother, all with in a year. My sister passed of cancer and not soon after my brother was so stricken by her death that he mentally gave up. As being oldest sister it been the hardest standing alone . We shared so many memories that only we siblings knew. Nothing heals the pain .🥲
    somedays I laugh at some of the old memories but most days I cry and then go to a deep place within ,missing everything about them. I understand the pain and now they will be my wings , my guardian Angels.😇😇

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  11. Lost my brother about a year and a half ago and Billy Bob’s video brought me much comfort as well. Have you listened to any of the interviews with Alex Van Halen and his grieving of Ed? It just helps to know we are not alone in the journey.

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